Two years ago, I began a hard-nosed investigative journalistic expose on one Tipsy McDrinksalot, AKA "Santa Claus" AKA "Kris Kringle." The results were inconclusive. This year... I intend to bring the fat man down.
Put aside Christmas and the whole generosity angle for a second and ask yourself this... a rotund "elf" (who happens to be human sized) breaks into your house well after everyone is asleep. He enters the house generally through the chimney or perhaps even by walking through walls. In any event, the man has no key. He is dressed from head to toe in velvet and drives a vehicle pulled by rabid deer. Reindeer. Whatever. He has an expectation that you, the home owner, will leave him food... sometimes sugary, and often with a touch of the hard stuff (um, hello eggnog?).
Now, my dear readers I ask you this... if the date on the calendar is August 15th and you encountered this gentleman in your home, would you chalk it up as a holiday miracle, or would you call 9-frickin-1-1?
Exactly. Call this pug a littlle cynical, but I'm not buying the whole thing. Furthermore, with several trillion cups of eggnog in his belly, I'm guessing Santa's blowing a breathalyzer WELL above legal flying limits, thereby putting our entire North American airspace in great jeopardy.
People... this is serious. I began my investigation yesterday at Bloomingdales. They had Santa there taking pics with dogs for a Humane Society event. The perfect 
cover - I had my undercover team snap the shot you see above. Although Santa seems to look different than last we met (strangely so, in fact... it was like they were two different people: clearly he's a master of disguise) I could tell there was something not quite right.
Of course, he's smart this Claus guy. No sudden movements. He petted me right. Gave me a treat. Hmmm... he's a shifty one that Kris Kringle. I'll keep my eyes locked on you buddy...
Burf!
SC '06 - not the same dude?
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